The maid of honor just puked.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
