Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
