I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
