I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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