Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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