Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize