I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
