My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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