Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
