I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
