Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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