You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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