i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
