we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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