Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with