some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.