When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?