he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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