I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
