If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
