I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize