Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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