I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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