he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
