the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
