It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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