...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
