A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
