who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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