dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
