Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
