I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
