yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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