a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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