Kiss
Puke
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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