i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
