i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
