that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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