i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
