Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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