I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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