all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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