Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
