problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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