You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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