She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
