I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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