i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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