hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
