i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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