let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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