I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
