I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
