Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I will die if light touches me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
