I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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