I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
