whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
