It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
