I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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