God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
