guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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