Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
