Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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