i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
