My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
