if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
