Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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