We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
