You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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